The letters showcased on the next few pages may be partially responsible for my recent silence … Upset? Yes, but that is not the main feeling I wish to discuss.
The one problem that remain for me to answer, with these rejections neatly arrayed here, is whether any statistical flukes survived, or whether they are samples from a population that is invariably zero.
I am supposed to be quite used to rejections by this point; my education in nonlinearity was meant to give me an empowering vision in the face of uncertainty and occasional nihilism. And yet, filling my idling mind is a half-delusional powerlessness knowing that I do not know where I am heading, or what factors remain under my own command that may stabilise my trajectory.
I am grateful to anyone reading this, with whom I have ventured this far, to the beginning of what I still believe to be my future.
Something needs debugging at the lab, and I realise large parts of FWPhys is still marked “under construction”, including my promised 2020 essay and General Relativity notes… There’s just as much time to pause as to let go.
Keeping on — more like, restarting — doing good work.
FW. 12 Feb, 2020.